There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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