Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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