no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
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laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
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Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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