I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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