it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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