Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
