Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
