barbara walters just said penis...
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
