Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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