I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
