do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
