Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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