Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
