y did u give ur computer a hand job?
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
