my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
