So drunk its hurt
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
This is the high leading the old right now
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
