I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
My vagina is very pro this idea
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
