Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
