Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
