didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
