If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
