youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
she peed on how many people?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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