my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
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