Do you still have your period?
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
