i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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