if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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