This girl is more easily done than said...
I checked into jail on foursquare
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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