hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
