she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
