I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
