I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
