shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
