Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
