Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
