I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
