I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
