Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
