I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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