and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I AM VODKA MAN
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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