too bad you live with your parents still
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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