Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
