just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Randomize
