He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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