When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
