She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Randomize
