I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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