i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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