So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
These tits shall not be calmed
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
