dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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