at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
