Define "chronic" masturbator.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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