so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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