apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
We left an ass print on the piano.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
