She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
