I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Randomize
