I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
