So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
