but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
you mean i was at the winter classic?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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