...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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