he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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