You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
