4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Damn victory sex feels great
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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