I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
