Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
