love makes seman taste better
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
