I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize