i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
