Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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