i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
