i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
