NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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