I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
