I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
